Recently Marianne burnt her hands whilst cooking. Within seconds, the pain that was clearly visible on her face disappeared as she realised: This was a perfect way to test the burn cream we bought for our first aid kit! I was inspired by this level of commitment to testing our gear, and put my mind towards how I could also contribute.

I decided to familiarise myself with the kind of lifestyle we are signing up for by watching Malcolm Douglas movies, and thinking of my recent 4WD driver training with Vic Widman. It was clear I was missing a vital part of experiencing the outback, something which most of the great explorers all had with them: A Beard (or a ‘Strange and Weird’ in Australian Slang).

Stage 1: How to Grow a Beard

I’ve never really grown a beard before… at least not like this. I know some people find it hard to grow a strip of Face Fungus on their chin but nature decided that wouldn’t be too demanding for me. Pity nature didn’t feel the same about the hair on top! Starting a beard is fairly easy: Basically you just have to be lazy and supresss any urges to shave. If after a month there is not much to show, then perhaps beard growing isn’t for you.

The first phase is the stubble, which most blokes are used to. The only danger here is to suddenly become single because your girlfriend gets carpet burn every time she rubs against your face! Just keep her at arms length for a week or two, or wear a helmet with a chinstrap to avoid nasty damage to her delicate facial features.

After a few weeks you hit the ‘itchy stage’, which is where things get tricky. Think of your beard like chicken pox – best if you don’t scratch. Think of cricket instead.

If you can manage to wait it out without going crazy or breaking into a rash, then you should be well on your way to releasing your inner caveman.

Stage 2: Beard Styling

Growing hair on your chin does not mean you’ll get the desired result! What kind of beard do you want? The Chin Strap? The Full Goatee? The Mutton Chops? The Klingon? Wikipedia has a great list of beard types (as you’d expect), however John Dyer goes the whole hog and is trying to personally grow and exhibit as many as possible. Kudos.

I’ve decided to keep things simple at this early stage by only shaving my neck. I feel this gives the impression of being groomed, whilst buying time to grow enough facial fur to style.  No point in going straight for an adventurous beard style if all you can manage is three hairs below your lower lip!

If neatness during this phase is a problem I suggest using clippers to trim to a nice neat length (like 6mm) whilst all the little ‘slow hairs’ have time to catch up to the quick ones*.

Click on the images below to see the Beard Project progress, including an Artist’s impressions of what the beard will look like at the end of the trip**.

As you can see, we are taking our preparation for this trip VERY seriously. There is just so much to think about when going to the outback!

I’ll be sure to keep you all updated as to the Beard Project during the trip. Feel free to give me suggestions on what style you’d like to see me try out!

- Simon

* There is absolutely no scientific or factual basis to my assumption that some hairs grow faster than others. It just made sense to me.

** I didn’t pay the artist very well.