Marianne and I have spent the last 6 months preparing for this trip. This has in fact been Marianne’s full time job. We’ve researched every aspect of the journey – what equipment we need, what could go wrong, and how to use it all. We’ve thought of everything from power and water whilst in the desert, to comfort whilst pondering the meaning of life. The breadth of topics we have had to cover has left us awake in bed unable to sleep worrying about whether we’ve covered everything. Once we had the equipment, we tested it thoroughly, often going to extremes.

It’s less than a week away from the start of our trip, and having tested everything thoroughly we decided to take Marianne’s parents on a 1 day offroad trip to show off our efforts.

Can you guess what comes next? Exactly. Demonstration Fail.

We had decided to take Marianne’s parents down to Nowra and do a very small part of the Tianjara Fire Trail trek we’ve done before. Complicating things slightly, my cousin Steve had arranged for us to take a backpack full of what I will call ‘Romantic Supplies’. We were to drop this off at a specific point with gorgeous views by midday. This was critical as he was going to propose to his girlfriend Sarah, and (I assume) provided she said yes he’d pull out the backpack from its ‘Romatic Hideaway Spot’ or ‘Hole in a Cliff’ and voila! Instant Romance!

Ask anyone who has had to give a presentation, speak in public, demo a piece of technology, or generally be a source of focus for a group of people. The demo will work every time, EXCEPT the time you need it to. Its like technology, or machines, can smell your fear. This is when they pounce! Sarah Connor knows what I’m talking about.

Its 8:30am in Cronulla, we’ve packed the car and Bruce failed to start. If I could illustrate (with text) the sound Bruce made when I turned the ignition it’d be something like ‘… Burrr… <silence>’. Not a good start.

We were lucky to have our support crew nearby, and they gave us a jump start – and the trip was on. We figured the battery had drained due to a light being left on, and so we drove to Gerringong. I figured that 1.5 hours driving along major roads, often doing 100km/hr would charge the battery. I figured wrong. We stopped in Gerringong for 5 minutes, and when we got back in the car you can imagine the sound: ‘… Burr… <silence>…. <@#^&F!!>’.

NRMA Roadside Assistance helped us get the car started, but at this point it was clear the battery was toast. We were told we had to go back to Sydney as the car engine wouldn’t start without jumper leads.

At this point we thought about Steve, proposing on the side of a cliff, and what would happen if the Champagne being absent would cause her to say ‘No!’. I did what any True Blooded Australian Male would do, I blindly went off road ignoring the fact we might get stuck… because a mate NEEDED me to!

Mentally we were picturing the car getting stuck on a rock or mud bank in a deep puddle and stalling, leaving us in the bush with no hope. You guessed it – the winch runs off the primary battery, so we’d have no love there! I was constantly reminding myself not to simply stop and turn off the ignition – an often automatic process. Luckily we made it all the way to the drop off point and delivered the package. We had lunch in a beautiful campground at Yalwal, and at all times we had the engine running. With Bruce’s diesel engine chortling away there were a few quotes about the Serenity. So much Serenity.

We made it back home without further incident, but it was a long and tense day.

Fast forward 24 hours and I’m happy to say that Bruce has a new battery, and Steve has a finacee.